Dr Robert Glover – Ruminating Brain

The Ruminating Brain

What is a Ruminating Brain?

A ruminating brain is a washing machine that is constantly agitating in your head. It spins constantly, day and night. 24/7.

Typically, a ruminating brain causes a person’s mind to spin in many of the following ways (check any that apply to you):

Your Ruminating Brain Keeps Your Mind Spinning About the Past:

• It rehashes perceived mistakes.
• It agonizes over missed opportunities.
• It replays failures and fuck-ups.
• It dwells on regret about bad choices.
• It collects and hangs on to perceived wounds and slights.
• It revisits “what only’s” and “only if’s.”
• It builds a case for, and constantly reminds you of, your defectiveness and inadequacy.

Your Ruminating Brain Keeps Your Mind Spinning About the Future:

• It lives in fear of repeating your same mistakes.
• It is dominated by worry, fear, and anxiety.
• It convinces you it is gathering information to make significant decisions, but it’s really just spinning.
• It keeps you stuck in the paralysis of analysis.
• It convinces you that you can’t act until you’ve considered every possible outcome of every possible action.
• It constantly rehearses possible conversations and potential scenarios.
• It lives in the world of “what if” and can imagine every possible negative outcome of any action or situation.
• It assumes there is a perfect way to do everything, and failure is not an option.
• Even when things are going well, it’s anticipating the other shoe falling.
• It assumes your future will mirror your past.

Your Ruminating Brain Keeps Your Mind Spinning About Your Perceived Inadequacies and Others’ Opinions of You:

• It compares you to others in ways that make you feel inferior and inadequate (and occasionally grandiosely superior).
• It measures you by its own arbitrary standards and unrealistic expectations.
• It remembers every mistake but forgets most successes.
• It obsesses over what people might think about you.
• It expects perfection in everything you do (and assumes everyone else does, too).
• It convinces you that you’re an imposter and fraud and that it’s only a matter of time before you’re found out.
• It lives for others’ affirmation and approval but can’t believe or accept them when they come.
• It is terrified of failing and looking foolish.
• It lives in constant fear of rejection and abandonment.

The Madness

Obsessing about the past, living in the future, and comparing and measuring the self always results in a sense of worthlessness, failure, fear, and inadequacy. It paralyzes you and prevents you from acting boldly in your own best interest. It keeps you isolated and lonely. It makes you think you have to overcompensate and exceed people’s expectations in order to be loved and liked (and get laid). It blinds you to opportunity and the open doors that surround you. It keeps you living in deprivation rather than abundance.

Your Mind Is a Liar  

Your mind lies to you all the time – this is a proven neurological and psychological fact.

Your mind distorts your reality, perceptions, memories, thoughts, and emotions. It easily convinces you that you’re a worthless, unlovable person, and that the world is a scary, unforgiving place. It has no problem dredging up all kinds of evidence to support and reinforce these distorted beliefs while ignoring information that might contradict them (Confirmation Bias).

Why does your mind do this?

Because of the type of brain you have.

The mind resides in the brain and thinks, believes, and acts on your thoughts. But this is determined by how your brain is wired.

If you nodded like a bobble head as you read down the lists above, you probably have a Ruminating Brain.

• You may have inherited your ruminating brain from your parents just as you inherited your body type, height, and eye color. Look at your mom and dad and their moms and dads – did any of them struggle with self-doubt, anxiety, mood disorder, fear, criticalness, controlling behavior, isolation, dependency, addiction, impulsiveness, abusive behavior, anger, and/or difficulty in relationships? If so, they probably had a ruminating brain and passed it on to you.

• Or, early in life, your brain may have become wired to ruminate to cope with and manage abandonment, abuse, fear, sadness, uncertainty, or unpredictability. Your brain was very “plastic” and moldable when you were young, and its physical shape and how it functions were strongly influenced by your environment.

Whether genetically inherited or wired early to manage childhood experiences, your ruminating brain constantly agitates like a washing machine. It causes your mind to spin and ruminate, often in ways that create a negative view of self, others, and the world.

Your mind rehashes negative thoughts, memories, fears, emotions, and scenarios of doom and gloom so frequently and consistently, that you naturally believe all the assumptions it makes about you and your place in the world.

But it is often wrong!

For example, your mind can tell you it’s a good idea to take a specific action and then later beat the hell out of you for doing so:

“Sure, eat that last doughnut.”

“You are such a loser! I can’t believe you would do something so stupid!”

Your mind can perceive a mistake and replay it over and over again. It will convince you that you are fundamentally flawed for making such a mistake and that you have to take every precaution never to make similar mistakes again. Your mind convinces you that your self-worth depends on always getting it right.

The same mind that thinks your thoughts will then criticize you for thinking those thoughts – and heaven forbid – for acting on them.

Here’s an important reality: the mind always believes everything it tells itself is true.

If your mind thinks it, your mind believes it, without question.

This is human nature.

Here’s an example. You see a pretty woman you want to approach and talk to. Your mind starts spinning. It tells you that if you approach this woman, you might get rejected and feel foolish. But it also tells you that if you don’t approach her, you’ll always regret it.

If you do get up the nerve, approach her, and get rejected, your mind beats you up for being so stupid and ruminates about what a loser you are. It repeatedly reminds you, “I told you so! What were you thinking? Women like that don’t go for losers like you.”

If you believe your mind’s warnings and avoid approaching her, then of course nothing happens, and your brain reinforces the faulty belief that women just aren’t attracted to you. It points out that you don’t have a woman in your life, so it must be true that that women can tell you are a loser. Then every night before you go to sleep, your mind imagines all the ways in which she might have been the perfect woman for you if you weren’t such a coward and a loser and could actually talk to women.

Feel like giving up yet?

The Good News

Your mind may convince you that you’re defective and unlovable – but it is wrong!

Your brain may have a programming flaw, but you don’t!

Realizing that you aren’t defective – and that the belief that you are comes from blindly accepting the distorted messages your mind constantly replays – can be one of the most emotionally liberating messages you could ever receive!

You are not broken! This is a lie your mind has convinced you of.

How to Stop The Madness?

Learn to become an observer of your thoughts, not a believer in them.

One of the unique and beautiful things about the human mind is that it can observe itself. It can watch its own thoughts, feelings, beliefs, biases, impulses, etc.

Your mind doesn’t care what it spins about. It’s often just ruminating about familiar, habitual topics. It likes following well-worn neural goat paths.

If you pay attention, you can consciously observe your thoughts, feelings, impulses, and memories and choose what your mind focuses on.

If you don’t, it will.

By practicing mindfulness and applying proven principles of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), you can learn to slow your mind, observe it, challenge its assumptions, redirect it – even laugh at it – and turn your greatest critic into your staunchest ally.

What You Will Learn in This Course

What You Will Learn in The Ruminating Brain Course:

• How to be the detached observer, not the believer, of your thoughts, beliefs, memories, and emotions
• How to slow and even stop the spinning
• How to check your thoughts for accuracy and relevance
• How to notice when your brain is spinning before it gets out of control
• How to reframe your thoughts and memories more realistically and productively
• How to redirect your thoughts
• How to learn from, and harness the power of, your ruminating brain
• How to sleep through the night without your mind keeping you awake
• How to release old, toxic memories, emotions, and self-limiting beliefs
• How to soothe your anxiety and take action even when you’re scared
• How to let go of attachment to outcome
• How to stop comparing yourself to others
• How to stop measuring yourself by arbitrary standards
• How to let go of perfectionism and accept failure as an important part of life
• How to learn from your mistakes and see them as opportunities for personal growth
• How to overcome the paralysis of analysis
• How to realize that being imperfect allows people to get closer to you and be there for you
• How to stop the “thinker”
• How to separate the useless noise in your head from important information
• How to become aware of how your mind lies to you
• How to accept and embrace yourself as an amazing human being

Calm the Clatter – Stop The Madness

The Ruminating Brain online class will help you become the observer, not the believer, of your thoughts, feelings, memories, and emotions by exploring and illuminating how your mind ruminates. You will explore the origins of your beliefs about you, others, and the world.

You will learn how to apply proven mindfulness and CBT strategies for regularly becoming aware of your thoughts, slowing the spinning of your mind, and shining the bright light of reason on your distorted and self-limiting beliefs.

Turn Your Biggest Critic Into Your Staunchest Ally!

Lesson One: Turn Your Biggest Critic Into Your Staunchest Ally
Lesson One Bonus #1: Common Rumination Patterns
Lesson One Bonus #2: How to Stop The Madness
Lesson Two: Thanks Mom & Dad: Understanding Your Ruminating Brain
Lesson Two Bonus: Waking Up
Lesson Three: Mindfulness and Living In The Present Moment
Lesson Three Bonus: Develop a Daily Gratitude Practice
Lesson Four: Lies Your Mind Tells You
Lesson Four Bonus: Tools for Separating The Lies In Your Head From The Truth
Lesson Five: Judge, Jury, and Prosecutor
Lesson Five Bonus: Obsess Appointments
Lesson Six: Wrapped Around The Axel
Lesson Six Bonus: Ruminating and Thinking (Michael)
Lesson Seven: Why You’ve Never Gotten It Right and Why You Never Will
Lesson Seven Bonus: I’ll Handle It
Lesson Eight: Why Relationships Seem So Hard
Lesson Eight Bonus: Make Your Bedroom a Non-Rumination Zone